Thursday, 17 January 2008

My twisted anatomy

Thursday 17th January

I have just finished day four of my new health kick. I have been so, so good. I have really made an effort to eat all those yucky vegetables and the smoothies have been a lovely thing indeed. I have been eating on average, nine portions of fruit and veg a day, taking all my vitamins and drinking plenty of water. I even did some yoga. And you know what? I feel terrible. I feel bloated, constipated and sick. I have spots, greasy hair and bloodshot eyes. What went wrong?


Franklin D. Roosevelt said...

Yoga – healthy, graceful and natural. It congers up images of long legged gazelle like women effortlessly flowing into semi-erotic sex positions as if it were no harder than just bending over to tie up their shoe.

I was fantastically excited to try this Zen like class, an excitement that lasted all of five minutes, up until the point I was introduced to a whole new world of pain. Contorting my limbs and trying not to fall over or fart in front of a room of pyjama clad strangers whilst a far fitter, far more spandexed instructor pushed and pummelled my ass into the correct positions and guilted me into holding the ‘down dog’ for what seems like a torturous amount of time.

Yoga for me seemed to involve an abnormal amount of pinching and prodding from the Instructor, which left me aching and soar the next day, as he in his words, attempted to ‘improve my durational abilities’. Then again maybe it’s best not to take impression of Yoga as normal. It turns out Mr Spandex was merely trying to get into my pants, quite out of the blue offering me tan trick sex in Paris or a dirty weekend in North Brum. Needless to say I declined and thus ended my brief foray into Yoga. I do miss the lovely stretched out feeling it gave me but on the whole I can live with out the feeling I’ve had the crap kicked out of my body every day.

Shroom Monkey said...

mmmm.... forget all the fads, follies and miracle cures- a balanced diet, and excercise is the only life long routine you can count on... cardio and strength training with a sprinkle of yoga/pilates will get you to your goals! and patience, determination and a strong desire to succeed... good luck!! but always always remember, we are all gorgeous women on the inside and out... regardless... but we should all strive as well to be the best possible versions of ourselves that we can be.. for life, health and happiness!

Puck said...

Franklin - that could have been a pefectly good blog post, you write good, so good it annoys me a little bit.

Zombie - greasy skin, bloodshot eyes = purging of the bad things from your body, you may be headachy too for a bit.

i'd drink some cider if i were you, its made from apples

Shroom - right on sista!